Observe

In the mist of that argument, as I sat there trying to explain and justify myself, I realized how pointless it all was. This. Wasting so much of my time and energy trying to get him to understand me.

The way he perceives me is a reflection of his mind and had nothing to do with me. My words were being taken and turned into the something completely ugly and untrue. How he would highlight select words of mine and fade away everything else as if he was selective listening. He only choose what he wanted to hear and disregarded the rest.

He already had his bias, already formed his own opinion. He did not listen with the intention of understanding or with an open mind. He took only what he wished to hear and twisted my words into proving his point: that I am wrong. That I’m always wrong.

It didn’t matter about how much love I had in heart or how I just wanted what was best for him or my light-hearted view of life. I was evil to him. And that had nothing to do with me.

The people pleaser in me wanted to fight, wanted to justify myself, wanted to explain how everything harmful and hurtful he felt against me was incorrect. But then I let go and realized what’s the point? What’s the point if he’ll only listen to what he wants to hear, what’s the point in wasting my time and energy to explain to him that I am a good person?

I know I am a good person. I know my energy, actions, and intentions align with my word. Why would I feel the need to over-explain myself to him? I don’t need others to believe in me when I believe in me. I know my words are true, I know my intentions and heart is pure. I know I only want good in the world and if he couldn’t see that then okay.

I understand myself, I trust myself, I got myself. No matter what I say, no matter if I find those perfect words to explain myself just to try to get him to understand, he’ll only see what he wants to see. I can’t change his reflection, only he can change his perception. So I learned to it let go and observe.

Image by Danielle Noel