Lover

I used to think a lover was someone I could envision.

As if I could write down a list of all the qualities I could ever want someone to have. As if I’m shopping online for a perfect partner, filling in my preferences and filter options from the search menu.

Don’t get me wrong, knowing what you are willing to accept and not willing to accept is powerful. It allows you to be true to your values and who you are without settling or denying your morals. Relationships help you identify what it is you actually want and need from a partner. That’s why relationships consistently evolve and change and sometimes end. Forcing you to start new with a brand new face in order to discover what it is you truly crave from another. 

I used to believe I could write a never-ending list of traits my lover should have. Dark hair, over 6’ feet, kind, as if kind can be described into a single word. I realized love, being a partner to someone else, is accepting them for who they are, where ever they are. Knowing the person you love today may be different from the person you will love next week. But choosing to love them, despite all that changes. Accepting them, seeing them for all that they truly are and who they will evolve to be. That is how my definition of love has changed. It's not thinking there is better elsewhere, but choosing to be present. Choosing to love who and what they are because life isn't a neat, organized, check-off boxed list. It is mess and it is real, just as love. And I wouldn't want it any other way.

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I asked my friend who has been with his partner for several years, "how is it to love the same person for so many years?"

He replied, "she isn't the same person".

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Image by Danielle Noel