Bubblegum

My worst fear in my dreams, often times the only remaining constant within our ever changing reality, is chewing gum. 

I enjoy the process of chewing gum, bubble gum usually, until it is time to get rid of it. Each time I try to remove it from my mouth, it sticks to all of its sides, every tooth, every crack. I try to pry away the gum but it is as stubborn as a prideful man sticking and staying onto my teeth. Naturally, I restore to panic. Trying to rid of something that just will not let me go. I feel stuck, trapped, simply longing to rid of my gum. Sometimes as I peel the gum away, I often take out some parts of my tooth or whole teeth along with it. Horrifying. For some people their dream kryptonite is falling, for others it is not having control over a driving car, mine is chewing gum. Along with my teeth falling out. Sometimes the panic is enough to wake me up out of the dream state. Other nights, it’ll happen multiple times throughout my dreams, just becoming a part of the story. Last night, I realized that it was my spinning top. And it was mint gum, not bubblegum. 

I realized it was too good to be true. Losing my teeth AND not being able to rid of my sticky gum? A match made in heaven to help me become aware of the dream. To snap back into the reality that this was a dream. Once I am aware, I become observant of my surroundings and notice how silly everything is. While living in the dream, you don’t take a step back to notice how absurd everything is. You are too focused on living in the dream, being a character in the tv show, rather than watching the tv show unfold before your eyes. With this new state of awareness, I was able to change my reality. Of course I opted for a more handsome love interest (my go to pick whenever I do become aware). A man whose physical features I could choose to fall in love with. To get lost in different color eyes and unique personalities I envision. It’s like trying on different outfits to see which one suits you the best in this point of time. And I decided to fly, because why not, and it’s fun. 

I was soaring around the town gazing at the small city below. The exciting night life full of people walking around, the glistening string lights around the town, all surrounding a park in the middle. It was beautiful to observe it all from above. Being in control of the dream and where I wanted to go, rather than the dream push me whenever it wanted to go, as if it has a mind of its own. I noticed something dark lurking in the sky next to me, something not human. I decided to fly over to it to gain a closer look. As I approached, I saw features similar to an owl. The black owl had noticed me too and decided to land on a branch. Of course I followed it to ask what it was doing here. As I landed on the branch, I sat next to an owl that looked like a mixture of the cosmic owl and the tootsie pop guy. As I stared into its big dark eyes, I began to see different memories pop up. As if I was watching my life flash before my eyes being projected through this owl’s eyes. The only thing was, it was not my life. 

It was my life in the way that this woman had my same face, features, and body. Similar personality, but it wasn’t mine. As if I peered through eyes to an alternate dimension, another version of myself living her life and watching her life flash before me. I asked the owl why show me a life that wasn’t mine? 

Unfortunately, after that, I don’t remember anything else. I notice when I become aware of the dream and ask too many questions to those around me, the world begins to crumble. Like my subconscious wants to protect myself to stay in the dream. To not wake up back into the reality we always return to when we do come back into our physical body. 

Yet, there are specific places within my dreams I visit often. Memories at certain places and mental maps of different settings. Reoccurring locations and spots that I can return to whenever I feel that I am near. It's like coming back to a familiar place you haven't visited in some time, but can still return to again and again knowing how to navigate through the terrain. How can that be?

Image by Danielle Noel